I really wish Amy Winehouse would get it together. Get off the pipe. I know all the greats got a little dope in their system, hence the classic music. Kind of goes along with it. So I kind of condone it to a certain degree just to get those creative juices going BUT When you’re at the point of pissing on yourself in public, dancing in circles in a McDonald’s parking lot and NOT RELEASING MUSIC. Then its time to get your life back on track. I’ve been a fan of Amy since her Frank album and I wish someone would shake her and tell her to get back in the booth. Just greatness thats wasting away.
so today is my birthday and im 24 years young. Feels great. Never did too much for my birthday over the years. Just reflect some and have a dinner or something. The homie told me to come out after my family dinner. From jump it was comedy singing the gospel songs over new orleans bounce beats. Still cant get that out my head. After we had a kick back at his house last night till 6 this morning. Hookah and Drinks. it was good times. It was just right, not really a club person. Got to be in the mood for that. Anyway the love from facebook, twitter, calls, text, BBM’s, emails and all that has been a lot but the love is crazy and I appreciate it. Logged into twitter and had over 300 messages. Been feeling good. I lost track of shots last night and was up having deep convo with the homie. I’ve been in bed since then chilling. time to hit the tattoo shop and get some sushi and the birthday will be ending just right. I got to say today was a good day.
Oh when it all, it all falls down I'm telling you ohh, it all falls down.
We buy our way out of jail, but we can’t buy freedom, We’ll buy a lot of clothes when we don’t really need em, Things we buy to cover up what’s inside, Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth.
It starts in childhood when your parents direct your path. Even as you grow their influence is strong. Then comes school and work and many more suggestions on what you should do. People appear to have power over you and control what you want to do. As time goes on you find yourself in a place you do not want to be and doing things you would not choose to do. Now is the time to look up and live the life you want to live.
Your challenge is answering the most difficult question there is. What do you want? Sounds easy at first as responses such as ‘rich and famous’ come to mind. But then when you think about this a moment and look at the challenges even the rich and famous have you question if that is really what you want. One of the reasons you live the life others want you to is that it is sometimes easier than working out what you really want to do. That requires effort and a change which is often tougher than complaining about the problems others impose upon you.
To get at what you want you first need to suspend the ‘I can’t because’ excuse. So many inspiring futures are avoided with the reasons you think you would fail. Seperate the process out in to two steps. One unconstrained where you clearly state what you want. Define it as specifically as you can and quantitatively and just let yourself be free and imagine for a moment. When you have captured it look at it and see if feels right as a description of what you want. Enjoy thinking about what life would be like if you were pursuing this track.
You can now spend some time on what would get in the way. Describe the obstacles in the same detail as you have described your wants. When you have them all you now go through an exercise of working out what you need to do to overcome each of these obstacles. Take them one by one and find what you need to do to overcome each one. You can and must find a way. It may be difficult or require the help of others but if you focus on the task you will usually find an answer.
The work you now need to do is to make the solutions possible. This is the key step to leading the life you want to lead. You will find this is often easier than you think. The most difficult part of the process suggested here is separating out the description of wants from the obstacles getting in the way.
Work out what you want, be clear about what is getting in the way, develop your responses to overcome them and lead the life you want to lead.
Everyone remembers where they were on 9/11. Here’s my story. Almost lost my dad in the Pentagon on that day. Rewind a few weeks before that I got news that I was changing schools and going to be starting at Eastlake High in Chula Vista. San Diego for those who aren’t familiar. Anyway there had been discussion as to when my family and pops would be coming California to get everyone settled in the new place and getting me started up at the new school. With it being a year round school I had already missed a few months, so I was going to have to do Online classes to catch up till the Spring Semester. So the parental unit decided to leave a few days early. They arrived on the 10th in San Diego. I remember being hype as hell for the 11th because I was tired of moving boxes and unpacking. I just wanted to get to school. My mom was handling my younger brothers and my Pops said he would take me up to the school. I remember us riding in the car listening to Reasonable Doubt and feeling it was playing. The CD started to skip and just as I put it on the radio the reports were coming in and I tapped my pops like listen, he was on his cell. We just sat in shocked. Couldn’t say much then his phone blew up with calls. I told him I was going to go into the school and find my teacher. Everyone was in silence in the class. Faces frozen in horror in the class. This was my first day of 10th grade. The whole day was quiet and I spent the day on the internet and watching the news. Stayed to myself. It wasn’t till I was watching the news that I realized that it was my Pops office that was hit at the Pentagon. That’s when it hit me, like a wake up call and I was old enough to take it all in. All because I needed to start school, my day left early and missed death by a matter of days. Real heavy. From that day forth I’ve held my appreciation for my family different and so thankful. Some of the lucky ones, who didn’t lost a parent in that tragic event. Changes your outlook on life. Life’s short and nothing is promised. Prayers go out to those who lost someone, suffered and still carrying that pain from that day. Love live life.
You ever in a room full of people, but still feeling along? Or maybe you aren’t good enough for anyone? I’ve been in both places. Even after this past week. Meeting and talking to people in the Music industry. Celebrities can be some of the saddest people. Many people already know this, but it was just like confirmation. Anyway, I feel like I do things right, and keep a wall up to keep it moving. Its a dirty dirty world. Not depressed or being emo. Just thinking. Like on the other side of that meeting someone I’m feeling, like really feeling. Growing to care for someone beyond that physical aspect of it that may have gotten you there in the first place. Because you don’t have the person actually with you and states away. That feeling grows thru talking, laughing and politicking. Feeling like you’ve know them forever and they’re just right. Despite what others may say. You feel lucky to have them around. A little while back I helped my homie make a video to his girl for their engagement dinner. This was said in the video.
"Well, I love her eyes. I lover her smile. I love her laugh. I love how we can be together and nothing else matters. I love how I can trust her with anything in my life. I love how we can be open with each other and feel comfortable. I love how I can kiss her in public and not care who’s watching. I love that when I hold her hand, I’m scared to let go. I love that when I hug her, I’m scared to squeeze too tight because I’m scared to break her. She is so fragile and delicate to me. She must be cherished. I love that no matter how bad things get, we both know that we can make it out together. I love that I learn something new about her everyday or just something need period. I love that she has her mind set on the future. And knows exactly what she wants. I love that she cares so much. I love that we can be on the phone for hours when I’m away on business and talk for hours and it feel like 5 minutes. I love that she makes time for me even though she’s always busy. I love that I can get lost in her eyes. I love that we can just lay down and tell each other how much we love each other for hours. I love that we both want a future together, and we won’t let anything or anyone stop us from getting what we want. She’s just perfect for me. I don’t care what anyone says"
It always seems to work that way, It never lines up right. I mean I’m not complaining on my current situation, its Nice :) & making it work but I guess this Kanye song got me thinking, even though it has nothing to do directly to what I’m feeling. It had me zoning and BAM. My mind went there. I’m not the one to be all negative, but its good to just write and get it out. Once I speak on it, I feel better. I got people around me that keep me smiling, so I’m THANKFUL for that. It just sucks that’s all. But in due time things will change up, but until then I’m rocking with it. “And I know I’m preaching to the congregation.”
If you could read my mind, You’d know I’m for real this time, I been made a fool so much, Till I’m scared to fall in love, Please don’t be a fool like the rest, Give me a hundred percent, Show me that the others wasn’t for me, And you’ll be sure to get the best out of me.